Tuesday Bluesday;)

Been a minute since I posted, so I thought I'd share a little word play from last month! xo

There's No Team in Swim


The city shape shifts into little more than random strings of white mismatched Christmas lights,
thrown down to Earth in frustration.  


And we are all that has meaning.  We are the only thing with purpose.
The calculated meeting of half-grins and full hearts.  


In the distance, the horizon is red and grey like blood in dirty rain.  
The quickening pulse of a cut vein,
injecting its contents into water.
Bleeding out because we know no other way.


Somewhere, people are swimming on their backs, peering skyward, and allowing eye muscles 
to dystrophy into a gaze made of sea-battered glass.


But we, oh no, we never relax.  Every movement is moved by the unspoken.  
Translating, with limbs and eyebrows and toes curled in our shoes, the words that fail our mouths.


We paddle hard,
but it does nothing to clear the blushing iron from where we swim.
No lapse of time can dilute the red.
The blood swirls and churns and screams of beauty and haunts us with thin brushstrokes of dark things.


Sharks would circle if only they could find a way in.
We're our own predators.


I restrain myself and 
you tell truths that don't quite fit the definition.


This elliptical death isn't seasonal.
Our end is a well of eternal plasma,
rising, blooming in waters suddenly disturbed.
I haven't slept in days,  


How many times will we gladly slice ourselves open before bleeding to death?
Have we already?

(2012 Copyright @CEchert)

Apple Cinnamon Cupcakes with Dulce de Leche and Honey Cream Cheese Icing.

As per your twitter requests, here's my recipe for the cupcakes. Let me know how yours turn out.  Also, going to do my damnedest to return to writing on LOCM:)  XO

For Apple Cinnamon Cupcakes
1/2 c. butter
1 3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
4 c. shredded apples, loosely packed
2 1/4 c. flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350.

Sift and whisk together flour, baking soda, salt, nutmeg and cinnamon.  Set aside.  Cream butter and sugar in mixer.  Mix in eggs and vanilla.  Add shredded apples and mix on low.  Add the flour mixture until just combined.

Fill 24 cupcake liners halfway with batter.  Bake for 18 minutes or until tops are spongy and browned.

Meanwhile, make your Honey Cream Cheese Icing:

2 packages cream cheese, softened
1/3 c. honey (I use whipped cinnamon-flavored honey that has a denser texture, but you can add a dash or two of cinnamon to regular)
1 tsp vanilla
1 c. powdered sugar (can add more or less depending on desired sweetness/density.)


Mix cream cheese, honey and vanilla.  Add powdered sugar until combined.  Place in refrigerator for at least an hour to set.

By now the cupcakes should be out of the oven and set to cool.  Time to make the dulcede leche!

1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp sea salt


 First, increase the oven temp to 425.  In a glass pie pan, empty the contents of the condensed milk and sprinkle evenly with the sea salt.  Place the pie pan in a larger pan and fill the larger pan with hot water to immerse only the bottom half of the pie pan.  Cover the pie pan tightly with foil.  Place in the oven for about an hour, replacing any evaporated water in the larger pan as needed.  The milk should have taken on a brown, caramel-like consistency.  Stir the dulce de leche and allow to cool before transferring to a pastry bag with a piping tip.

Now it's time to assemble.  Cut small holes in the tops of cupcakes.  Pipe the dulce de leche inside.  Frost with the cream cheese icing and feel free to decorate with any additional dulce de leche (as I did.)

Savor the Fall goodness and enjoy the deliciosity.

Fly and buy.

Cinematic Moment: Inflight Shopping.

On a recent flight from Tampa to San Diego, there was a shortage of overhead storage space. Everyone unlucky enough to be in Zone 4 or higher was required to check their carry on bags at the gate, so all my reading material (ipad included) was held hostage by US Air. In desperation, I resorted to the only thing I could find to entertain myself-the SkyMall Magazine. Granted, I've leafed through many an edition of SkyMall, marveling at the statues of Bigfoot, the incredible portable pillow selection and the Lord of the Rings "one ring" replicas. But never had I actually read the sucker, page by page, taking in every tchotchke and home improvement gadget on the planet, listed in one, easily perusable publication. Four hours and two vodka sodas later...I compiled my favorites. I present to you, the useless, the stupid and the just plain creepy:

BED MADE EZ $29.99

Essentially a plastic wedge used to tuck sheets in between the mattress and box spring, a chore which is traditionally accomplished with something called a "hand." The Bed Made EZ has shown me the error of my outdated ways, while helping me do my part to waste more unnecessary plastic...and my money. I'm also not entirely sure how cramming this wedge in your bed will save your back from the excruciating pain of placing sheets and blankets on top of it.

FACETRAINER by NO!NO! $149.00

Touted as "the only fitness device that applies the proven principles of resistance training to facial muscles." Created for the woman who doesn't mind looking incredibly stupid for a portion of the day, in the slight hope she will some day look slightly less creased. It's the facial equivalent of headgear. My husband would take one look at me in this thing at night and likely run for the hills. What good would it do me looking 1o days younger then? Besides, I prefer putting on my own scary mask (found in the bargain bin at K-mart for $3.00) and terrifying random children. They say laughter keeps you young AND it doubles as a couple's activity. Two words: Date. Night.

DIGITAL IMAGING CAMERA WAND $119.99

"Capture images on your computer screen of your warts, moles or other hard to see places..." This is the manufacturer's pitch, which really opens up the doors for the potentially freaky uses of the medical wand. It's touted as a wonderful way to bring in photos of health concerns to your doctor. I'm sure your doc will love receiving the hourly emails of your every inflamed body part, freckle and that bottle cap you somehow got lodged in your rectum last Saturday. It's a hypochondriac's dream and a med student's nightmare.

THE PERFECT TRAVEL VEST $99.95

The makers of this vest urge you to "forget bulky exterior pockets that advertise your valuables and stop paying for carry on bags." So pockets sewn onto the outside of your clothing just aren't cutting it anymore? You're sure to hide the fact you're holding anything at all in this GIGANTIC safari vest. Apparently they've overlooked the fact that layering this monstrosity over a business suit isn't sure to garner you any promotions and while it may hold "a digital camera, glasses and a magazine(!)" that doesn't quite take the place of an actual carry on for someone who's traveling further than the local aquarium. Until you come up with matching cargo pants that hold a laptop, Subway sandwich and at least two adult DVD's-I'll save my hundred bucks to check a bag and grab a pashmina.

CHERISH LIFELIKE BABY DOLL $99.00

This vinyl baby doll prides itself on its "hand applied hair" and "tiny hand-painted fingernails" created to "give the illusion of life." The whole concept of this poltergeist child skeeves me out. No one who can appreciate realistic fingernails should be in the market for a baby doll in the first place. But the real peanut butter on the jelly is the product review I discovered on Amazon:

"The baby's hair claims to look real but once you get the baby you will see that it looks like someone took some glue to the head. It also does not look like a real baby."

Some people just shouldn't have kids...or plastic ones at that. Enjoy your week everyone!

Death of herbs makes me sad.

Cinematic Moment: Poetry Hour

Maybe if we use it, the basil won't die.

I remember when I noticed the first leaf beginning to brown around the edges

and crinkle up as if it were trying to hide from itself.

I ran to fill up the green antique pitcher

we bought at that shop on Main Street last Spring.

I served water with pieces of fresh cucumber and springs of mint

in the handled matching glasses that came with it for weeks.

It reminded me of the sea glass we found at Brighton Beach

the day it stormed so hard we could barely see a foot in front of us.

But the pitcher lost its novelty somewhere around Autumn and the first snow.

It has been a long winter, I tell myself,

and living things need light.

I try a variety of fertilizers

each one more potent, lasting and proven effective.

Desperation sets in and I speak to the plant in quiet tones

making promises I likely won't keep.

I'll be better.

I'll play you classical music at the right volume.

Maybe we can work out way back to the times when you grew without trying so hard

and I was never too full.

--cs@02009

Tiaras and Cold Feet: From ZSP.

Below is an excerpt from the short story I wrote for Zombie St. Pete under the name Chonny Sanchez. It's titled Tiaras and Cold Feet. Some of you have been asking where you can find the book (which sold out at the release)--ZSP is taking pre-orders for the second printing if you write an email to zombiestpete@gmail.com. Enjoy!

...Kathy and Max took their seats. The lights went dim and the MC danced out onto the stage, wearing a tuxedo covered completely in silver sequins as he belted out the pageant’s theme song, looking like a musical string of Christmas lights with a dying battery. Behind him was an enormous backdrop bearing the pageant name in silver cursive, with a row of flamingos wearing high heels embroidered across the bottom.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s bring out our first contestant in this year’s Junior Pretty Flamingo competition, Jessica Brown! Jessica describes her perfect day as coloring with crayons!”

Let the games begin, Kathy thought. She watched the first five girls come and go without cause for concern, listening to the MC announce each of them from the stage, the exclamation points punctuating his voice.

“Contestant Number Six. Chrissy Karp. Chrissy describes her perfect day as adopting a homeless puppy!”

Upon hearing her name, Chrissy emerged perfectly poised, like some dwarfed pinup in her doll-sized polka dot bikini. She continued without a beat, stopping to pose and flash a smile that was flawless, thanks to a porcelain flipper that covered her recently lost baby teeth. Kathy’s heart dropped past her knees. Even she had to admit that Chrissy was breathtaking.

So enamored with Chrissy’s swimsuit presentation Kathy almost overlooked her own daughter climbing up the side of the stage. The first thing she noticed was the child’s skin. Was it the spotlights casting that grayish blue shade on it? Then she saw Brandibelle’s mouth was blood red.

When will she learn to stay out of the makeup kit? Kathy fumed to herself.

Max put his head in his hands, mentally throwing in the towel on any hopes of a JPF crown for Brandibelle.

Parents began to shout.

“What is that kid doing on stage?”

“Someone get her down!”

“I think she’s bleeding. Where’s her mother?”

Everything happened so quickly. Kathy got up from her seat. In that same instant Chrissy did a quarter turn to face Brandibelle who, now standing behind her, bit into the soft flesh just below Chrissy’s collarbone. Brandibelle turned her head almost mechanically, ripping an Oreo sized chunk out of the baby smooth skin. The wound sprayed blood like molten lava, hot and red, across Brandibelle’s cheeks as she began to chew the sinewy hunk of meat. Some of the audience members gasped. Nearly all the others turned to each other in disbelief. Kathy sat back down.

“Who approved such a disgusting routine?” a particularly straight-laced mother asked. “It’s totally inappropriate.”

“I believe it’s the work of that Max Starr guy. I’ve heard he’s a real genius.”

The woman to the other side of the two turned at the mention of his name. “Do you think this is what the judges are looking for? Something different?”

Max was in too much shock to correct them.

As Brandibelle worked her way to Chrissy’s abdomen, the MC dropped the mic, suddenly looking very ill. In a few uncoordinated motions, Brandibelle bit into her waist, peeling the skin down from Chrissy’s ribcage to her bellybutton like a half-wrapped birthday gift. A jack-in the-box of intestines and organs popped out onto the wooden stage floor. The MC’s color was changing by the moment, a cobalt blue flush washing up over him. Brandibelle crammed two fistfuls of ropy guts into her mouth, the blood like a fresh coat of lipstick as she eyed the MC, hungrily. The suspension of disbelief had gotten the best of the audience who remained oblivious to the severity of the situation.

Finally, a father, Chrissy Karp’s in fact, spoke out. “Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on here? I didn’t dish out three grand in fees to watch a B horror movie.”...

(c.2009@Chonny Sanchez)

Youtube celebrities. In the future.

Cinematic Moment: What happens to the youtubers?

So I've been watching a lot of Youtube these days. You know, the requisite homemade videos that make us laugh, wince, cry or wonder if the human race can even make it to 2012. Something tells me we don't need a Mayan prophecy to kill ourselves off.

What I've been wondering about while watching these videos, is what the long term effects of being a YouTube superstar can have on someone. How do these people move on and have functioning lives and careers?

Take for example, the "Leave Britney Alone boy." Note that I left the boy in quotation marks because to be honest, I'm not entirely sold on that. Regardless, here we have someone who's been turned into a celebrity for wearing loads of eyeliner and sobbing hysterically under a blanket, begging for the whole world to leave a then, clinically insane Britney Spears alone. No, he is not a friend or relative of Ms. Spears, just a fan. The kind of fan I'd be concerned might be interested in abducting her children to steal hair samples for DNA replication. He also appears to buckle pretty easily under stress. Even stress that doesn't directly effect him. Can you imagine this person working in an office or even a bagel shop? Let's say someone doesn't return a co-worker's call. Lo and behold, hours later, his boss locates him underneath a desk, covered completely in Post-It notes screaming into the heavens while drawing black circles around his eyes with a Sharpie.

Then, there are the adorable ones. You take a child who does something and give it praise and attention for doing it. It's simple puppy training, really. Classic Skinner reinforcement. Think about the kid in the "laughing baby" video. It's just so freaking cute, we can't stop watching. All 109,212,718 of us. That's exactly 109,212,718 cases of positive reinforcement. My survey says he's ending up in some institution for cracking up constantly as an adult. A cackling adult running around the streets of Anytown USA, losing his shit anytime someone makes a noise isn't called endearing-it's called freaking loony.

Then there's the infamous "Charlie bit me" youtube video. Flash forward 20 years and we will find "Charlie" on a job interview.

Interviewer: So tell me Charlie, what would you say your strengths are in the workforce?

Charlie: (grabs interviewers hand and bites him, drawing blood because his adult teeth are in)

Unfortunately for the interviewer, Charlie's big brother is also up for the position and can't resist cramming his finger into the mouth of everyone he meets, in turn blaming THEM in a bird-like British accent. For the rest of his life.

To be fair, there are some youtubers who will benefit from their fame. The "Jesus is My Friend" guitar player is clearly one of them. He wins at life. Tay Zonday is another, who's song Chocolate Rain reminds us all of a simple concept: It doesn't really matter what the words are, as long as they rhyme. It also doesn't hurt to look like Howdy Doody if you want people to instantly trust and love you.

Last, but certainly not least, there's one of my ultimate faves, which if you follow me on Twitter, you already know. "That's my penis" guy is the ultimate winner of the YouTube video game of life. With three simple words, he managed to convey three grander ideas to the world: "This particular officer of the law is not very intelligent", "I do not in fact have a weapon because I am a peaceful man" and finally, "Yes, my mammoth junk does extend 3/4 of the way up my abdomen, thank you." WIN!

(Ps. Missed you guys! Sorry it's been so long, but I may have a special treat for your patience...keep you posted. )

Intimate

Cinematic Moment: Intimate.

There comes a day in every life

I think

When we grow too familiar with ourselves

Over acquainted with the backs of our own hands

or the right leg that stretches just a bit further than the left.

The preoccupation with ones mind trickles down into the mundane

A slow crawl into the affliction known as routine.

Wandering slightly out of the wonder of self discovery

like falling out of love

with someone whose knowledge of foreign government was once intriguing and now dull.

There are days I'd like to rearrange the face in the mirror

mixing and matching the parts until they form something brand new

Something fresh and beautiful

perspectively speaking.

I would remaster the art of painting a new pair of lips with matte red and pink gloss.

Memorize all over again the lengths of borrowed lashes

the eyebrow where my nose once sat upon my face.

Indeed I would.

For now

the mannerisms are not quite as memorable

The jokes are not nearly as funny

when it's actually just me.

--cs@2010