Double duty.

Cinematic Moment:  Comedy of getting an even tan.

I opened my eyes this morning to the birds chirping, the puppies in need of a trip outside---and a house so humid I might as well have been in a steam shower.  Yes, summer has arrived in full force and brought with it the bag of delights and perils it carries on its back.  Considering I am a born and bred Sunshine State-ian, I absolutely adore the heat.  I find myself drawn to windows, sun decks, cracks in the blinds...any place I can get a bit of sun on my face.  I'm like a plant growing towards the light.   This includes tanning myself (with the exception of my face, thank you self-tanner) to a nice bronze every summer.  I admit that no matter how bad it is for me or how much I will probably regret it in the future, I'm a tanorexic.  An impending trip to Florida in a couple of weeks where I will don a bathing suit for a solid 13 days has kicked my sun addiction into full swing.  

Today I saw the extent of my tanorexia finally come to a breaking point.  While putting on my favorite bikini and lubing myself up with SPF 10 oil, I couldn't help but notice I have become a victim of what I like to call The Bumbrella.  This phenomenon occurs when one has a bit of an ass that tends to block the sun from reaching the portion of the upper thigh that connects to the buttocks, leaving the victim with two matching white stripes.  This may seem like a trivial and narcissistic little problem to some.  Before bathing suit season, it is an all out dilemma.

I was not ready to head to Florida like this--something had to be done.  That's when the lightbulb went off over my head.  Instead of simply applying self tanner to the area, I had the brilliant plan to incorporate my yoga for the day  into tanning.  Why not kill two birds with one stone?  Thus, I spent nearly 20 minutes this afternoon on my back deck, in downward dog position, in a last ditch effort to legitimately tan my butt.  I took breaks every 2 minutes or so, mainly when I felt like passing out or couldn't stop laughing at myself.  But it seems 20 minutes was enough to base tan myself enough to not look like a freak and to stretch out my calves sufficiently.  Any way to amuse myself until my man comes home is time well spent.  

Hope you all had an amazing Memorial Day weekend.  I was MIA because I was running all around with my sisterfriend enjoying the weather, company and the alcoholic beverages.  

(Image above taken from The Onion.)