Beginning last Wednesday and going full speed through the end of May, I will have visitors in a steady stream up to our country love nest. Hopefully, being around a number of humans instead of just one for a while, will introduce me (and you) to some nice little CMs, yes? Here they are, the highlights and lessons learned from and with the first 2 visitors:
The only thing better than watching movies that make you bawl until you can't see out of your eyes is doing that with 5-7 drinks in your system, a smorgasbord of fruits, Indian rice, nachos...and bathrobes made of chenille.
Just because they're 50 percent off, doesn't mean you need those heinous loafers. It DOES mean you need the shiny black New Balance for 20 dollars.
The best way to find a bar in a new town is to pick out the funny named ones on the GPS, like the Velvet Monkey. Then, promptly find one on your own when you find out the Velvet Monkey is actually a terrifying looking Chinese restaurant, probably named after the main ingredient in most of their dishes. In the same thought, it is also perfectly acceptable to rock out to old Def Leppard with old men who smell like weed and bring 30 pound bass INTO THE BAR. Totally fine.
There's nothing like doing penance for a night out by hiking 5 miles on the Appalachian Trail at 8 am.
Sprint service doesn't work in the mall, any restaurant, 46 of the states, my house or the car. It does, however, work perfectly 5 miles into the forest on the Appalachian Trail.
Always keep an eye on your dogs while painting or you may find yourself the owner of a "Sunset beige" spotted animal. [Actually, maybe we could make this a trend--pets that match your decor. (I shouldn't even joke about this as some business man out there is probably drawing up plans as we speak to start dying puppies the perfect shade of Aubergine to complement the throw pillows.)]
Ticks are terrifying. There should be a movie about them ala Arachnophobia. Can you think of anything more unsettling that the possibility of a tick taking up residency on the tender flesh of your butt? Much less a plethora of ticks. I might not sleep tonight.
Lilacs smell like heaven.
Never try on garments you know you can't afford "just to see." Chances are you will love them, (cough, cough Christian Dior gown) they will fit you like a buttery leather glove (ie. give you a figure like Jessica Rabbit) and be ridiculously fashionable (Jessica Rabbit in 1981.) I learned this the hard way and have been secretly sneaking in mid-day tear sessions to mourn the loss of the dress that will never be mine and the awesomeness that is simply out of reach for a peasant like myself. There's also the potential for pity shopping in which one attempts to fill the gap left by unattainable item. Not that I've been doing any of that...American Apparel wrap dress. Bet you Christian Dior never made anything that tied 15 ways dammit!
I may have two endangered flowers in a vase in my kitchen that my mom picked. Can't quite say what they are...but they are pretty and it was her only reward for the hike.
On that note ladies and gents, I am off to bed to dream up some dreams. Happy Monday.
10 comments:
you inspire me. thank you.
What in the world is inspiring about that?
on to the Ticks!
there is totally a movie about ticks, aptly named "Ticks". it's super creepy in the beginning some guy is making a "super fertilizer" that rips on these tick egg/larvae and they become huge and prey on the unsuspecting campers in a lodge. it's ridiculously creepy and the reason i too hate ticks.
by the by, it has Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air in it. the ending is definitely gruesome. but i won't ruin it, you'll have to watch it for yourself.
I think you have a hater* on your hands. To said hater, don't be jealous. It's ugly.
Have you ever gotten the email about the cat owners who decided they should dye their cats the colors and patterns of an american flag or a peacock? Kinda scary.
*Sorry for saying hater. I sound like a high schooler but that's the only word that fits the anonymous comment above.
Haley-
It does seem there is a war of inspiration going on between anon1 and 2 that clearly deserves the word "hater." Anon 2, I believe anon 1 isn't referring to this post (unless I have inspired him or her to get completely intoxicated and exercise.) What I believe this person is referring to is my ability to keep a hula hoop going for a solid week while simultaneously curing venereal diseases and singing old Eddie Money songs. All it takes is a dollar and a dream, people.
Silla--I had no idea about the tick movie! Looks like you just planned out my Memorial Day festivities. I hope Carlton does the dance too!
Chonny,
Didn't realize how exhausting (and wonderful) the week was until I just relived it through your awesome way with words. Funny how we can pack a months worth of crazy antics into 6 days! Sorry about Ben getting "colorful", he was so quick! I think anon one is inspired with your writing ability, not the weeks events..
Thank you Chonny you make everything sooooo much better...
-anon 2
i think anon two is cruisin for a bruisin.
i love you chondra!
I also spent a few hours rocking out to Def Leppard with old men in a bar this weekend...
i definitely need to get me some $20 new balances!! i also would like to add that i enjoy your blog and writing capabilities to the fullest extent, so please keep up the good bloggin'!
-Kim
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