Happy 2009

Cinematic moment: a whole new year of fun

Trying out my new iPod blogging program in hopes it will allow me all kinds of traveling CMs in the new year. Leave Florida tomorrow after 2 weeks of holiday joy. We'll be back and running in no time! Xoxo

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

I'm obsessed.

Cinematic Moment: May drive me to get another pug...

3 Pugs Head Tilting

Que Sera.

Cinematic Moment:  Definitely not "Etc."

My pet peeve of the day is the improper use of the term et cetera.  Webster's Dictionary defines the term as "the logical continuation of some sort of series of descriptions."   The key word in this definition being "logical."  Take the following example:

I like to drink all kinds of red wine:  Chianti, Montepulciano, Merlot, etc.

This is logical because all of the listings are in fact wine and have a common thread in the fact that they are also red.  Ah, sweet sweet logic.  All too often on a Myspace "favorites" section I see something like this example:

Music Favorites:  Yanni, Black Eyed Peas, Tool, Buena Vista Social Club, Travis Tritt, Journey, Devo, etc.

There is nothing remotely logical about this pairing.  Some of these are music, some are not. The use of "etc." is completely inappropriate because unless you are Rain Man, you would never group these things together.  Let's try another, shall we?

I like ice skating, eating shit sandwiches, chillin', professional jousting, pizza, watching movies, verbally abusing my best friend, etc.  

Aside from the obvious pairing of "jousting" with "eating shit sandwiches" there isn't a whole lot of continuity going on in this autobiographical blurb.  Just end the damn thing and admit to the fact that there is absolutely nothing logical about you.  I might also suggest an ellipsis, which Wikipedia says is totally acceptable. 

{ Here are some images I garnered from searching the terms "etc." and "etcetera" to make this post less like a middle school English book.  Later we will learn about things NOT to search on google...}

Mac affair.

Cinematic Moment: For all who doubt the almighty Mac (cough, Dave.)

Exhibit A.  

You don't see many movie trailers with hippies, dorks and the poor man's Che Guevara about the glory of a PC. "Only Steve knows."

Exhibit B.   

A Japanese apple orchard owner took the time to sticker the Mac logo onto his entire season of apples.  That's love friends.  Now riddle me this:  Does the PC even have a legitimate enough logo to sticker onto anything? What is it--a big pile of lame?  

Exhibit C.

Craigslist ad for a man in seach of Macbook.

If you took the time to read this ad, you would realize this man is willing to trade his worldly possessions for a Macbook, including, but not limited to:

- robin hood: men in tights dvd
- half used glade candle - fresh linen scent
- pack of tube socks
- box of 63 crayons (missing cadet blue)
- bag of pogs
- "chicken soup for the horse lover's soul II" book
- black belt (not a karate belt)

Robin Hood Men in Tights?  That is pure cinematic bliss. And who can blame the guy for wanting to hang onto the "cadet blue" in his crayon box?  He will need something to write a handwritten thank you note to Steve Jobs after getting his Macbook.  Everyone knows when a man saves your life, sending an email "thank you" is just plain rude. 

Final exhibit of the day. 

An entire Simpson's episode devoted to the eccentricities of Apple devotees.  I believe ridicule comes from a deep place and one which involves facing your own demons when they appear in someone else. In this case, the sadness of the PC user surely shines through in the mockery of our squeaky clean brand.

Excerpt from the episode:

Customer: "He's a genius!"
Customer: "He's like a god that knows what we want!"
Steve Jobs: "[Here's] an announcement that will completely change the way you look at everything!"
Crowd [pulling wads of cash out of wallets and purses]: "oohh!!!"

I really hope this has taught some of you a lesson (cough, Dave again.)  Drink the Kool-Aid my friends.  Now I'm off to go throw some more dough into Steve Jobs toilet!~  

XXX

Teach your children well.

Cinematic Moment:  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Clearly I have turned my poor puppy children into raging-computer-addicted-workaholics.  I may as well have handed them crack pipes.

You say garbage, I say re-gift!

Cinematic Moment:  Holiday Shopping Extravaganza.

Every year without fail, December rolls around.  The red and green comes out in full force, every mundane thing is draped in multi-colored lights and pine needles invade our homes and front porches.  During the 45th hour spent contemplating just how many artists feel the need to cover "I'll be home for Christmas" it dawns on you:  Holy shit, I haven't bought a single gift.  

So you run out to the store, braving crowds of mothers bludgeoning each other for the last Rock Band for Wii.  It's like a scene out of 300, only, less metal underwear and more cardigan.  The aisles have been struck by some nameless hurricane, DVD's mixed with rain boots, packages of Werther's Original left to die in the candle section.  How can you possibly find something that speaks to your loved ones here?  Certainly your best friend--the guy who was there the time you accidentally shat yourself in 3rd period (and laughed his ass off for 20 minutes before running to your house to get you pants while you locked yourself in the bathroom, but who's counting?)--won't be pacified with a torn up copy of Space Balls from the $5 bin at Walmart.  {Note, for the record, I'd be totally into this.  Just saying.}

Where can you go to find the perfect gift?  The Bad Gift Emporium.  It is here that the masses gather to post hard to find goods they are re-gifting.  You can find everything from deer meat to the knick knack on every woman's list this year-a figurine of Santa getting it on with Mrs. Claus in the tub.  

One man's trash (in this case, wool made from dog hair) is another man's treasure.  Christmas is coming early this year, fellas!

Let's do this.

Cinematic Moment:  Therapy abroad.

At the time I wrote my last blog posting, I was wallowing in a boiling vat of self pity like an overcooked french fry.  I was slated to leave for London in days with no computer to work on or to document my CM's on.  I would soon find out my new telephone didn't work overseas either.  Instead of fighting it anymore and scrambling to turn on international service, I decided to go a different route.  I picked up a book called "Writing Down the Bone."  It had been recommended by a friend's mother to stir up some creativity and passion in my writing--to tap into a place I have been trying to find again.  Then I went to Staples and scoured the aisles for the perfect pen and pad.  I needed something that would glide on paper relatively fast, unlike the number 2 pencil I'd been holding onto; A book that was a backdrop to what I would write, instead of its embossed leather taking center stage.  

The whole time away I wrote my ass off.  Not on a blog or in one of 95 different standard fonts stock on Microsoft Word.  I wrote in CAPITALS, in flowerly cursive, in chaotic rushed italics without any punctuation at all.  Sometimes it would strike me in the middle of the night and I'd write in the dark, not caring if the words ran into each other.  I spent an entire morning at Starbucks immersed in my own head, the whole time lecturing myself for not choosing some quaint corner coffee shop that was new, but finding inspiration in that.  One thing led to another and even if I hated what was coming out, I kept pushing through without critiquing myself.  It felt like swimming to the top of a pool when I'd been lying at the bottom until my lungs were about to burst-a gasp of oxygen.  No computer, no missed calls or text messages to pull my focus.  

The trip was amazing and I have a quarter of a notebook filled to look through in a few months for tidbits of honest writing.  A few of you have asked me about my life on the road and the CM's that surely come from being with my man.  Yes, there are many shining moments that come from travel with a musician and more importantly someone who embodies the word "love."  But this blog isn't necessarily about finding cinematic moments in the times that are already considered out of the ordinary.  It's about finding that in the everyday mundane bullshit we all have to wade through-the untied shoelace that throws you off the treadmill, the phallic looking vegetables in the supermarket you can't help but giggle at, watching the snow fall as if it were the first time, holding hands even while you read two separate books.  CM's are happening all around you if we take the time to open our eyes to the world instead of letting it circle us unnoticed.

My computer comes home tomorrow.  My phone is back in use.  My head is back in the game. Let's get crazy, kids:)