Order!!

Cinematic Moment:  Traffic court.

I'd love to apologize for being absent from CM for a couple weeks but frankly, I had what I thought was a great excuse:  I was preparing my case for traffic court.  Allow me to paint the picture appropriately...

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I was pulled over for speeding on a country road.  The speed limit had changed abruptly from 55 to 30, with the 30 mph sign located at the bottom of a hill.  I was doing 46.  Not sure how many of you have attempted to simultaneously slow down and accelerate up a hill---but it's no easy feat.  Needless to say, I pleaded not guilty to the citation and decided to take advantage of this country's wonderful justice system.  I've never actually been to court, but I have watched my share of Judge Mathis.  I could pick the sound effects of Law & Order out of a sound effect audio line up.  I also loved trial thrillers like "A Time To Kill" and "Fracture."  I don't like to brag, but you could say I'm an expert on courtroom proceedings.  

Knowing the preparation is half the battle, I spent a great deal of time preparing my case.  I didn't want to get in there and get yelled at for wasting anyone's time, like Judge Judy always does.  I consulted every attorney friend I have, took photos, put together a cross-examination for the police officer should I need to prove the location was indeed a speed trap and practiced my closing argument with the frianceband over and over.  The day of court, I put on my suit jacket, some Mary Janes and threw my hair into what I consider a professional looking low pony tail.  Black portfolio in hand, I walked into the town hall with my head held high, ready to plead my case.

All the preparation didn't prepare me for the nightmare that is traffic court.  A 4:00 court appearance meant not that I would have a hearing at 4, but that EVERYONE in the county would have a hearing at that time.  I was also one of the only people to read the fine print about "proper dress" being "required."  Unless, John Deere hoodies and flip flops are considered proper dress in some cultures.  I was also one of maybe 10 without dozens of unpaid citations and whose pockets weren't surely filled with meth.  I was more out of place than a high heeled sore thumb.  And where the hell were all the lawyers and gavels?

 I didn't get a word in edge wise when it came down to it.  I agreed to a plea deal before any sort of trial happened--I never even opened my black portfolio to show my evidence.  It's all for the best I'm sure.  Lord knows I probably would have caved under pressure.  I just wish I'd gotten in one "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury..."