A day in the life of a procrastinator extraordinaire.

Cinematic Moment:  Ways I have avoided doing work today.

7:30am          Rise and shine!  It's going to be a productive day.

7:37am          Mmmmm...coffee.

7: 39am         It's been a while since that cutting board got a good oiling.  Also, the refrigerator  is full of almost expired stuff.  Better clear it out now before my trip.

8: 15am        There are too many half-burned candles in this house.  I should light them all so I  can replace them before I leave next week.  

8:  28am        Text boyfriance for mouth pain sympathy.

8: 31am         Call mom for general life sympathy.

9:00am         Put on pink cashmere writing robe and go to office.

9:06am          Forgot my amoxicillin.  Back downstairs.

9: 07am          I'm pretty sure antibiotics require a rest period.  I'll kill some time on ebay  looking at new candles.

9: 30am         Yay, my friends are online!  Better catch them up on what I did in the last hour. "Hey guys, when's the last time you oiled your cutting boards?"

10:00am        Rearrange desk to get better natural sun light.

10:30am          Get sunglasses to enable vision of computer screen in new light.

10:31am        That man couldn't really have inhaled that kitten.  I should do research on urban myths.

10:40am        Write approximately 5 lines of script.

11:00am           Go to change music on ipod.

11:02am          You know, if I can't beat the computer on ipod Touch Scrabble, then I shouldn't be a writer at all.

11:22am         Those candles have been burning a while.  Better go blow them all out.

11:30am        Back to office.  Write 5 awful poems with Magnetic Poetry on inspiration board.

11:40am         Think I'd be better inspired with new office wallpaper.

11:41am           Research wallpaper online.

12:00pm         Lunch time!  I'll make a frozen burrito so I can get back to work quickly.

12:10 pm        Can't open my mouth wide enough to eat frozen burrito.  Switch to string cheese.

12:12pm          Exerted jaw too much on lunch.  Need Vicodin.

12:13pm           One should never write on painkillers. One should nap on office daybed.

12:17pm           Can't nap. Need to make fresh coffee to wake me back up.

12:30pm           Drink cup of coffee.  Have to pee. Bad.

12:32pm            Check face in bathroom mirror.  Are those fine lines around my brow?  Time for  at home chemical peel.

12:50pm           I'll get you this time bastard cheater Scrabble computer using words like "qua."

1:15pm            Boyfriance calls.  I tell him of my Scrabble wizardry.  He cannot hide his desire to bow down to my high score. ( I may have made up that last sentence.)

1:25pm              Uh oh, skin's peeling.  Can't imagine from what. Better do at home microdermabrasion to slough it out.

1:35pm            Stress over state of skin conjures up wedding thoughts.  This wedding isn't going  to plan itself.  Google many wedding related things online.  Oooohhhh, flower girl dresses and cuff links!!

2:00pm          AIM Miranda about the great progress I'm making on my Clutter article.  Think of how great her new puppy will be.  Give her the chore of making cake toppers.

2:10pm          Email some toy creators to send pics of toys.

2:20pm          Talk to Boyfriance about Street Fighter 2 tactics and cake toppers.

2:30pm        Water plant on my desk.  Change coffee table books to new, more interesting books.

2:40pm          Write 3 more lines.

3:00pm          Decide the secret to writing this script is music I don't have.  French cafe music.  

3:01pm           Spend itunes gift card on Parisian chic jams.

3:21pm           Revert back to Sufjan Stevens.

3:25pm          Discover cousin's wedding site.  Mom wants me to have a wedding site.  Research wedding sites and wonder what the hell I would put on one with no plans?

3:40pm          Get wedding site.  Immediately regret it.  Look for delete button.  Hmmm... do we need a monogram?

4:15pm          I'm hungry already. Can I make anything from celery, a half jar of blueberry jam, a filet mignon and a bottle of champagne?

4:16pm         Research it online. Discover my pantry may not be well-stocked enough. Better research that too while I'm at it.  Make new grocery list.

4:45pm         Oh my god.  Just remembered my dress is a 4.  

4:46pm         Remove cashmere robe and go to gym.

Tomorrow is a brand new day folks;)  Plus, how can one work under the conditions you see below?

A real Cinematic Moment.

Cinematic Moment: Not sure what to make of this...

Laughter or tears??

Mmm mmmm good.

Cinematic Moment:  Did we need another reason to dread adulthood?

Do you remember when you were a kid and you got sick or broke a bone?  As much as it sucked not feeling well, you still got to miss a day or two of school and lay around all day watching your favorite movies.  People checked in on you every half hour.  You got coloring books and ice cream to soothe your sore throat.  Your mom stroked your hair, took your temperature, brought you your meds with a warm bowl of chicken noodle soup.  Being sick as a kid was like going to a child spa.  

Medical issues aren't so fun as a grown up.  Coughing, fever and pain aside, you still have to go pick up your medicine on your own.  Sure you can have ice cream--just grab it as you schlep through Rite Aid, bleeding from your mouth and waiting an hour for your pain killers (which you can't take until you get home.)  Life doesn't stop just because you don't feel good.  There's no magical caretaker the doctor can prescribe along with those antibiotics.  The dogs still need to go out, the garbage men will be expecting your trash at the usual time, the UPS lady expects your signature at 8 am and more than likely the sky will decide to snow just to prove a point.  

An upside is you get the day off.  A downside to that is you will pay for that day off in cold hard cash one way or another.  Your mom can't write you a note explaining why you should still get paid.  But staying home sick doesn't mean you won't feel obligated to work.  You'll spend the "day off" staring at your laptop while trying to keep the keyboard clear of snot, as you attempt to do a little guilt work between lapses of Nyquil-induced unconsciousness.  It's not pretty.  You stare at the door, waiting for someone to arrive with a coloring book...or a gun with a single bullet.  But no one comes.  

So you hobble to find your second dose of meds and make yourself a can of Campbell's Chicken and Stars.  You're too weak to change the movie in the DVD player and too cheap to invest in the movie channels on TV (not that you could afford it with all these sick days you've been taking.)  So you flip back and forth between Trading Spouses and some Lifetime movie about identity theft while the ice pack on your head slowly comes to a boil.  Isn't it fun being a big girl?

(Please note, this blog is a dramatization of a medical problem on a typical day.  It doesn't reflect my current wisdom tooth situation which involves me laying around in footie PJ's while mommy takes care of me and scratches my back.  There may also be some singing of Rock-a-Bye baby in there.)

2nd Annual Feb. 15th Day.

Cinematic Moment:  Some love lyrics for the morning after.

With all your lies, you're still very lovable.

---bon iver, for emma

You said we were an accident

With accidents you’ll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You’ll always be my favorite one

---motion city soundtrack, my favorite accident

You and I should get away for awhile

I just want to be alone with your smile
Buy some candy and cigarettes and we'll get in my car
We'll blast the stereo and we'll drive to Madagascar
---blink 182, m & m's

Then she says she needs affection
While she searches for the vein
She's so good with her stiletto
You don't really mind the pain
She cuts you out, she cuts you down
She carves up your life
But you won't do nothing
As she keeps on cutting
'Cause you know you love the knife

---billy joel, stiletto

Like a plane crash that never hits the ground

I fall in love with you
I'm nose over tail for you

---alkaline trio, nose over tail

When you wake up in the mornin', baby, look inside your mirror.

You know I won't be next to you, you know I won't be near.
I'd just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear
As someone who has had you on his mind.

---bob dylan, mama you been on my mind

Oh happy day.

Cinematic Moment:  Will you be my Valentine?

My earliest Valentine's Days were a bit like a birthday.  My parents would surprise us with gifts and send us treats at school before doing their own thing as a couple later in the evening.  I'd get a card from my grandma, some cartoon bunny or turtle covered in red and pink hearts with a handwritten note about how special we were to her and $5 to spend on conversation hearts.  We looked forward to it.  As I grew up and got a job hostessing at a restaurant at 15, my mom still sent me roses to work.  I'd stand up there on the podium, slightly embarrassed it was my mother sending them, but mostly overwhelmed with gratitude and pride that she was so thoughtful.  

Once I got a boyfriend however, things changed.  Valentine's Day suddenly grew a ton of expectations in my mind, which is one thing if they are fulfilled, but a very different monster when they aren't.  V-day became a holiday like New Years Eve--always overhyped and typically disappointing.  With every new man in my life, I felt a bit more jaded and a little less interested in celebrating what I had decided was a Hallmark holiday.  

Then I grew up even more, got a real job in an office and moved in with a man.  Sure enough, on Valentine's Day not only did I get 100 Peruvian lilies from mom, but a fax (on the company fax, mind you) reading " I love you baby girl.  Have a fun day at work!"  

It's funny how easy it can be amidst the daily grind of running a household, a business and a relationship to overlook what's at the core of it all.  People worry about overusing the phrase "I love you" thinking it might lose its meaning.  Does breathing become any less necessary because you have to do it every few seconds?  I think you should say I love you every chance you get and mean it more every time it comes out of your mouth. The evolution of love--the mistakes we wish we could take back, the secret language you develop over the years, the understanding of a person almost better than yourself, the moments when you feel your heart might explode from complete happiness, the fighting over trivial things or over huge issues, the room to grow--it deserves recognition as much as a dead president or adventurer.  It deserves its own day because it is something we live in and for.  It expands and branches into every part of our lives;  from the day we are born to parents who will always think we are the most beautiful creatures to walk the earth to the lady at the coffee shop who remembers what you drink every morning to people who wake up every morning and care enough to read what someone else they've never met has to say.

Most of the time we keep things light around here and we discuss horrific music videos or shit sandwiches.  I know a lot of you are going through tough romantic times right now or no romantic times at all and don't even want to hear the phrase "Valentine."  Today isn't meant for guilting your significant other into buying you that tennis bracelet you've been eyeing up or moping around because a relationship didn't work out.   It's for everyone who has ever felt loved by another human being, a day devoted to reminding those people what you should be reminding them of everyday.  So get out of those pajamas and go fill the world with love!  And don't worry--I haven't forgotten about giving February 15th some extra attention with song lyrics that will break your heart;)

kisses,

chonny

What brought you here.

Cinematic Moment:   What brings you here?

Google has proven to be quite the search tool in this golden age we live in.  Every few days, I check the statistics of my blog and can see exactly what someone searched to land here.  Sometimes they are looking for LOCM, other times they are looking for something else, along the lines of "Life can not be counted by minutes but by moments."  Then there are the things they search in which I have to re-evaluate how exactly they got here and more importantly, what the hell are they looking to find.  A few of my favorites from the last week or so...

        Google Search:  "My sad moment with my parents"

I have to admit this one bummed me out.  That someone was seeking out other people who have had sad moments with their parents online makes me wonder why this kid didn't just go out with his/her friends and bitch about the man getting him down.  I feel even worse that the desperate ploy to relate to someone on the interwebs led them here where they no doubt felt even worse about life.

Google Search:  "you will attend an unusual party and meet someone important"

I envision a dude on his 9th consecutive night of Chinese takeout, googling the fortune he got like it's some sort of online rewards program.  News flash dude man, you will never meet that special someone if you don't physically leave your home, though I suppose an unusual party could qualify as you dancing in your tidy whities to Cher while drinking Tanqueray from a baby bottle.

Google Search:  "cinema baby popcorn eating images"

Not sure exactly what you were looking for, Googler.  Baby popcorns eating pictures at the movies?  Some sort of popcorn fetish site?  Luckily we have all of that here on LOCM.  This leads us to the next google query, "Can guinea pigs eat popcorn?"  As I probably didn't answer this question in any previous blogs, I will do it here for the next unsuspecting searcher--Get off your ass and go buy some guinea pig food. I know it's you searching "dogs eat Indian Food" and I am not pleased.

Google Search:  "Made a decision"

So you made a decision.  Congratu-fucking-lations.  I know there should be some sort of award ceremony or support group for such dedication, one which can be accessed through a search engine, but chances are your brilliance will go unappreciated.  

Google Search:  "eat shit sandwiches"

This one made me peruse my whole blog to find out where I may have insinuated or referenced eating a shit sandwich.  For the record it was used HERE in a purely exemplary fashion.  For the man out there searching for the shit sandwich recipe, you will rest easy knowing it's quite simple, but might I suggest turkey on whole wheat?

Enjoy your weekend my loves and expect a post tomorrow so sappy you'll get stuck to it like a fly in molasses.  XOXO

Comic con hangover.

Cinematic Moment: Back in the saddle.



A little something to ease us back into CM's. I told you guys all the real talent comes from Florida--the production value of this music video really proves that. It also illustrates how I've felt without all of you guys in my life the past week.

XXO, 

Chonny